He Is the Prize.

Isaiah 26:8 In the path of your judgments, O LORD, we wait for you; your name and remembrance are the desire of our hearts.

Walking up and down the busy streets of Bomet town with my three-year-old in tow, I could not help but wonder why I had postponed this for so long. The boy was visibly enjoying himself, squealing in absolute wonder and excitement at the sight of anything familiar. He was such cheerful company, lifting my spirits by his little dances and antics on our way to the studio. He even sold me pretend ice cream, standing in front of a closed shop and mimicking a shopkeeper.

I had garnered the courage to ‘inconvenience’ one of my friends to bring us to town for Lem’s third birthday’s photo shoot. Something I had never done before, even for myself. It was only recently that I began appreciating the importance of taking of such photos.

Lem had been wide-eyed through the entire session, captured by the brightly painted walls and aesthetics. He studied everything in obvious intrigue and wonder, pointing for me to see every new thing he discovered in the room. We walked out of the studio elated and I was so proud of myself to have finally done it for him – for us. This was one of the moments when I inwardly recited one of my easier said than done quotes: ‘This is my motherhood, and I am going to do it right’.

But I am not always this inspired in this journey of motherhood. It has for a fact, been the hardest responsibility I have taken up in my entire existence. Even harder because I have got to do it alone and because it came about before I was fully (or even half) prepared for it. Story for another day.

My mothering has oftentimes been a slothful drag through the motions, subject to my feelings and moods. I will do what’s fun when I feel like fun and when I’m bored, we’ll all just wallow in it until I feel better. It’s an easy thing to do and most of us parents, don’t even realize that doing this is failing to fulfill our God-given duty.

We have all been there, bracing lazily through today, wondering when we can finally drop off to sleep or have a little – me time, while promising ourselves to do better tomorrow. A tomorrow we imagine will be different, better or easier than today. One that would somehow demand less of us than today does.

I’ve realized how much this ideation of tomorrow paralyzes me today. Maybe this is less of a struggle for some than it is for others like me but it could happen to mean who has not wished for the next day when The next few months when he can sleep through the night, the next year when he doesn’t have to be so closely monitored or the next few months when he’s older and can understand that sometimes momma needs just two uninterrupted minutes to make a phone call?  In the longing for the next, however, we end up losing touch with the present joys.

Imagining that some things must be sorted out first before I can fully become a happy and life-loving mom has only brought self-pity and stolen my enthusiasm for today. The end result? Dismal days with long hours of screen time, zero opportunities to learn and a cranky, defiant attitude from Lem which I must admit, is my own doing sometimes.

But this is not at all God’s desire for parents. He desires that our children be continually refreshed and nourished through His word and through the presence of parents that fan in them, a desire for rich life and creativity. A mind that has experienced the life of Christ is vibrant with life; so is a parenting that has been watered by the living water that is Christ.

God is not boring. Imagine a world where all people looked the same, all buildings and trees were the exact same height and design? Imagine having the very same names as your neighbors and classmates? What sort of boring and pathetic world would that be? Thankfully, this is not the case. We have God’s excellent taste and creativity to thank for all the beautiful sites and people we enjoy; for the twins who look exactly alike – you could never tell them apart except that one is a calm, reserved thinker and the other can never quite hold their mouth for more than a second. His own creation testifies to the creativity, wonder and awe that spring from His personality. The flowers He has made with various shapes, colors and scents; the mountains high and low, snow-filled and rocky; the flying birds in their unique colors, diets and habits are all a testament to his creativity and life.

Would we enjoy such life from God, yet in turn lock up our children, our very gifts from Him, into the cages of our own fleeting dispositions? Would we let them see the world through their ipads and tablets or create intentional spaces for them to experience the joys of God’s handiwork, including sitting down with them, playing with them and in the process, teaching them about Christ?

Just like God our father is, a God-breathed motherhood is not boring. It is full of life and overflows with creativity and beauty. This motherhood stems, not from having a perfect-problem free life but from knowing that in all circumstances, Christ fulfills us, Christ is the crown of our being. If we have Him, we have got the perfect prize, and we don’t have to live each day longing and obsessing about a better tomorrow.

For me this means thanking God for my job that allows me time to spend with my son daily. It means enjoying these moments and not just letting them slide by. It means creating fun-filled moments of play and interaction with him. It means to deliberately create time to read God’s word with my son and to sit with him, training him up in the fear of God. It means saying ‘NO’ to the temptation of having him glued for hours on the screen (even though it would allow me my much-needed respite). It means not letting the desire for a tall-dark and handsome husband who adores me take over the desire to adore Christ the Lover of my soul. It means living each day knowing that I already have received the ultimate prize of life-Jesus. It means enjoying the life I live now, knowing that even though I desire for good and better things to come, the best is already here with me. Because Jesus is here now.